Back to December - Apologies, Second Chances, Regrets

“Regrets aren't healthy, they never will be. Learn to forgive and to ask for apologies. But its better to prevent hurting someone than to end up begging for apologies (insincere ones) then for second, or third, or fourth chances.Am I right that you don't want to get hurt? Then so do I and so are they.”

Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

Above are the excerpts from the song Back to December by Taylor Swift. It's about a girl who feels sorry for hurting her boy, which apparently became her ex-boyfriend. She took him for granted. Then after a time, their ways met. Old memories came rushing back. All her old feelings went overboard.  Apologies were uttered. She thought of having him back. But he was hurt that's why things between them ended up, and now it was late, too late. Nothing's gonna work again, everything about them are bound to end.

I remember myself singing this song on the cold nights of February last two years ago. The lyrics doesn't fit what i am feeling that time, but because of its melodramatic melody, I still suffered (it's up to you if you're gonna consider it a suffering) from Last Song Syndrome or the ever famous LSS. Then maybe a month or two later, I realized it can be compared to my latest relationship then. How I messed up with my ex-boyfriend. How I hurt him. How I treated him cruelly. How I dumped him. The circumstances were almost exactly the same. The only difference is I never said sorry, and I never attempted to pursue him back, funny, but I think “pursue” will be the most appropriate term here. I wanted him back, but I have no idea how to, and again I ended up a dumb for letting him slip out of my grip for the second time. He begged me to stay, but I don’t have the courage to put my feelings at stake, so I played safe. ‘Cause that’s my expertise (In fact, nothing beats the safe zone)!

But that's a long time now, I heard a news that after us breaking up, he never tried committing himself again. I guess his  pain is still there. Whenever he crosses my mind, i only wish him happiness, not the kind of what i had given him, he deserves more, he deserves a lot. 

Teardrops on my Guitar - Friend Zone

They say it's painful to be friend zoned, sure, it is. Some will consider the idea of staying being a friend with someone to save the long-time friendship. Others say, "Well, you should take the risk. Who knows where your hidden feelings will bring the two of you. It's painful to be rejected, but a least, you have tried."
On the opposite part, others will choose to play safe and think that it's best to stay friends, no awkward feelings, no risk-takings, no pains. But behind all these, whatever you choose among the two options, be sure to grow. Collect experiences, be better. 

 This one is about two persons, plus another one who made the story complicated. I know them personally, it's just that I can't mention their names. ☺

 I've known this girl for a long time now. She's lovely. She's friendly.  She's sweet. She's kinda immature. She's innocent. She's in love. She's in love with someone. Someone who's on her every thought. Someone who is close to her, someone who entrusts to her his secrets, someone she is with almost all the time. To cut it short, she's in love with her friend. 

I know a lot of things about her, and if you'll ask me how come, I'll just answer you with a smile. 

I've known this guy for quite a long time now. He is cute. He's friendly. He's gentleman. He's cool. And he also is in love. He is in love with someone. Someone whom he always thinks about. Someone who is on his every thought. 

I barely know few things about him, and if you'll ask me why, I'll just give you a blank stare.  

Drew looks at meI fake a smile so he won't seeWhat I want and I needAnd everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautifulThat girl he talks aboutAnd she's got everythingThat I have to live without
Drew talks to meI laugh 'cause it's just so funnyI can't even seeAnyone when he's with me
He says he's so in loveHe's finally got it rightI wonder if he knowsHe's all I think about at night
Above are some of the lyrics of the song Teardrops on my Guitar by Taylor Swift. It has a story of a girl who have fallen for a guy who's not aware of her feelings for him. This guy is her friend that's why she knows certain things about his life, and few things about his love life. Yeah, he is in love too, but it pained her when she found out that its not her whom he loves. 
So I guess, you now have a hint that the story I wrote earlier is in some ways alike with the song Teardrops on my Guitar. SHE (the girl I talked about on the earlier portion of the story) IS IN LOVE WITH HIM (the guy who I mentioned on the story). They were close friends; once inseparable. And yeah, he is in love with his friend too. Not to her, but to his OTHER "girl-friend".  

Dear John - Pain

Songs make us reminisce every bit of emotions, either it is painful or not, it has the capability of making us feel it over and over again. Nothing's worse than having those pains and thoughts again after trying hard to forget. 

The song Dear John by Taylor Swift, which is also composed by her, tells about a story of a girl who is taken for granted by his ex boyfriend. It talks about a young lady being used and played by a guy. Swift is known for writing her own songs, and gossips allegedly implied that it is penned about John Mayer, his ex, a band member.

You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rainAnd I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everydayWondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonightWell, I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why
Dear John, I see it all now that you're goneDon't think I was too young to be messed with?The girl in the dress cried the whole way homeI should've known
Well, maybe it's just me and my blind optimism to blameOr maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it awayAnd you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understandAnd I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can

I am actually asking myself why is this song the first one I chose to discuss. At one point, I thought it isn't even interesting, so why should I waste time? But just some minute later, I subconsciously played and sang it again trying to voice out the lyrics correctly and this made me decide to realize my initial plan, hahaha!  Let me tell you how I once felt with this song. Here's how the story goes..
I have this ex boyfriend named closely to "John". He is a player. He is stupid. He is a living nightmare. LOL. He also made me feel I'm special, well actually, that's the same way how he treats ALL her girls (Yeah, ALL her GIRLS). He also made me fall for him. He also made me go out of sanity (haha, almost). He also made me think I am the only one. Unfortunately, it was just a game. He only gave me false hopes. He only hurt me. The only thing he offered me are fake smiles. He made me cry. He made me think I am not worth it. I don't know if I should call it fate but at that time, I was also 19 years old then. Whenever I go home to take my weekend vacation, my mother kept on asking me if things are still going right. Maybe, she's noticing me being a little bit unusual, the good thing is she never found out about this whole crazy thing. Then I was awakened by all his lies.  

  

Introduction

Music is emotionally powerful. The emotions created by a piece of music may be affected by memories associated with the piece, by the environment it is being played in or by the mood of the person listening and their personality, and sometimes, the person who sang that certain song counts too. 

I am Kathleen Felipe, and I do love music. Specifically, I prefer acoustic and pop musics, in one way or another they can soothe my emotions and thoughts. I also consider songs from other genres that somewhat indirectly describe what I feel and what currently runs through my mind. I enjoy music played in guitars, and I always wanted to own and to learn playing a guitar. The artists/singers who usually appear on my playlist are Taylor Swift,  Regina Spektor, Juris, Yeng Constantino, Emmanuelle, Krissy and Ericka, and Miley Cyrus. As you can see, I am more of a fan of girl singers, because the sweetness of their voices brings me shivers and the feeling of tranquility. Spongecola, FM Static, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus are most probably the bands I like. Hardcore rock songs are what I can't stand hearing. They rock and literally disturb my world. My ears hurt by just hearing their loud tunes. I am most likely to listen to foreign songs, they help me improve my English vocabulary, haha!

This blog is about how one feels when he or she hears a music. It may also feature stories about people I am close with or I barely.

Actually, before creating this post, I first listened to music. I want to set my mood first, I want to feel refreshed, I want to be thrown into a world where no one exists except me. You might find it boring but these are the kind of topics that brings out the real me.