Back to December - Apologies, Second Chances, Regrets

“Regrets aren't healthy, they never will be. Learn to forgive and to ask for apologies. But its better to prevent hurting someone than to end up begging for apologies (insincere ones) then for second, or third, or fourth chances.Am I right that you don't want to get hurt? Then so do I and so are they.”

Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you, saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

Above are the excerpts from the song Back to December by Taylor Swift. It's about a girl who feels sorry for hurting her boy, which apparently became her ex-boyfriend. She took him for granted. Then after a time, their ways met. Old memories came rushing back. All her old feelings went overboard.  Apologies were uttered. She thought of having him back. But he was hurt that's why things between them ended up, and now it was late, too late. Nothing's gonna work again, everything about them are bound to end.

I remember myself singing this song on the cold nights of February last two years ago. The lyrics doesn't fit what i am feeling that time, but because of its melodramatic melody, I still suffered (it's up to you if you're gonna consider it a suffering) from Last Song Syndrome or the ever famous LSS. Then maybe a month or two later, I realized it can be compared to my latest relationship then. How I messed up with my ex-boyfriend. How I hurt him. How I treated him cruelly. How I dumped him. The circumstances were almost exactly the same. The only difference is I never said sorry, and I never attempted to pursue him back, funny, but I think “pursue” will be the most appropriate term here. I wanted him back, but I have no idea how to, and again I ended up a dumb for letting him slip out of my grip for the second time. He begged me to stay, but I don’t have the courage to put my feelings at stake, so I played safe. ‘Cause that’s my expertise (In fact, nothing beats the safe zone)!

But that's a long time now, I heard a news that after us breaking up, he never tried committing himself again. I guess his  pain is still there. Whenever he crosses my mind, i only wish him happiness, not the kind of what i had given him, he deserves more, he deserves a lot.